party impossible
by simplyteesh
Summary: Harry wanted a party. Ron wanted a party... and a pie. but its not as easy as it seems. What happens when you find out that snape hasnt showered for two weeks? You don't want to know.One shot


**Here's another story that was written by jordie and teesh on a rainy thursday.**

**As you can see we were kinds bored.**

**If you want to see more of jordie's work go to jordie-here and if you want to see more of teesh's work go to green-eyes-assassin.**

**Well. Hope you enjoy the story.**

**disclaimer: what ever you reconise is not ours.**

Harry had an urge. Ron had an urge. And it is not what you think you foul minded people! Harry wanted a party. Ron wanted a party… and a pie. But where? … And how? … This is how 'Party impossible' was created.

Late night planning session and dodging glances from Hermione that said, 'Why do you two look like you haven't slept for days?'. With glances back that said 'That's probably because we haven't'. And then one final glare at the back of Hermione's head when she turned away, we finally decided that we needed to do a little bit of late night snooping to see what alcohol there was at the Hogs Head. He he he.

At 12:00am we could be seen pulling on black and army camouflage clothing they stuffed there beds with pillows so if Hermione checked, we were we still innocent little boys tucked up in bed.

Ok 1 step, 2 steps, 3 step- CRASH BOOM… MEOW? We tripped over stupid Crookshanks who was stupid enough to sleep outside our door. Stupid Hermione. Stupid cat. Wait. Where did the crash boom come from? I looked over at Ron who was holding one of those toy monkeys that had symbols. I glared at him and he shrugged and said that he wanted some company. I whacked him over the head and pointed at myself. He grinned sheepishly and I bowed my head in shame. _'I'm actually friends with this guy?'_ Ron looked down at the monkey and gave it to Crookshanks. I glared at it one last time and started our quest down the stairs again.

Creak, Creak, Creak, SNAP!

'What the-? Bleh! Ron! What happened now?'

'Ermm, uhhh, it may have been the errr high heels I was wearing….. heh heh' Ron looked nervously at Harry who looked at his best friend with bafflement.

'Ron, may I ask WHY THE HELL WERE YOU WEARING HIGH HEELS?!?!!!'

'They compliment my height and my hair. And stop being so loud, gees.'

I looked at him, trying to make my eyebrow stop twitching, while I pounded him into little smithereens with my handbag.

Ron looked at me with wide eyes until he saw my handbag and gave me a look that said, 'and I was the one with the problems.'

I looked at him sheepishly and told him that it was roomy.

He shook his head at me and started walking down the stairs with his now new flats seeing as the heel broke off.

I had to stifle a laugh.

'_Nice hips there Ron'_

Ron seemed to be able to read minds as he turned around and winked at me.

My eyes bugged out of me head and I shook my head in shame.

'_Oh dear god. Ron's a pansy.'_

We finally managed to make it down the stairs and to the common room portrait.

Then we came to a bit of a problem. The Fat Lady.

Ron asked me what we should do and I silenced him with my hand and pulled out a bottle of chloroform.

Ron looked just a little bit shocked.

I shrugged and said that I could have brought down my bottle of sionide.

I think Ron nearly fainted from shock.

I shrugged again and told him that I keep it as protection in case I ever ran into Lord Voldie without my wand.

Ron just looked at me and looked in the opposite direction as if to say.

'_My best friend is a maniac'_

I looked at him with a cheesy grin and proceeded in putting the chloroform onto a hanky.

I slowly crept up to the Fat Lady portrait and thought… _'Hmmm. I'm trying to put a portrait to sleep. I wonder if it'll work… Hmmm. I should really stop taking pointers from Malfoy.'_

My thoughts were interrupted however when I realised that Ron was calling out to me from the other side of the portrait.

I looked at him with wide eyes and saw the broken glass bottle that he had in his hands.

I looked at him with bug eyes, and then back at the portrait. The fat Lady had been knocked unconscious.

Ron shrugged with a sheepish look on his face and said that I was taking too long.

I sighed and followed him out.

…

…

…

I have a feeling that I forgot something.

OH CRAP!!! WE FORGOT THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK!!

I tried to go back and get it, but Ron kamikaze dived on top of me and slapped some sense into me.

'Dear god man! What are you thinking? We've already come this far. We don't need it. I'm not going to let you ruin this. And besides… I'll protect you with my ninja skills.'

I let my head hit the ground in defeat.

'_I do believe I'm going to die tonight.'_

Oh well, Ron was right, it was too far, and I was feeling lazy.

We would just have to go mission impossible style.

Slithering along the ground in a fashion that would make a Slytherin proud, and me withering in disgust that I was actually thinking of Slytherins at a time like this.

We had gone about ten meters when we heard it. Or should I say smelt it. Oh dear god it was Snape!

As usual we could smell his lack of hygiene before we saw him, this time it gave us an advantage. We just had to ignore the bile that was coming up our throats.

We rolled in true army form into the shadows and pretended to be trees. I must say I was a fine cherry blossom if I do say so myself, but Ron made a horrible chrysanthemum (flower).

Professor smelt like cheese, and it was odd, because had cheese for lunch……. Two weeks ago. EWWW!!! Snape is gross!

We were confident that he had not seen us until Ron did the unforgivable.

He farted.

Evidentially giving up our majestic position as trees.

Snape looked around as I tried not to breathe while trying not to laugh, this made a deadly combination as I gulped for air, only to get Ron's brand.

Snape sniffed the air, and then he sniffed his arm pit. Shrugged, turned and walked away.

At this I pounced on Ron, although his stench drove me away.

Continuing along the corridor.

This time walking, slithering took too long.

For the first time this night we made quite a while before disaster struck…..again.

I have one word for you.

… Peeves.

"Hey, what do you know. It's Potty Potter and his loyal side kick Weasel Queen."

Ron pouted.

"Hey, high heels are cool"

Peeves raised a non existent eyebrow at him.

Then he turned his head and saw Harry's handbag. If it was possible, Peeves's eyes grew bigger than what they already were.

"You have a handbag?"

Harry turned red.

"It's roomy."

Peeves shook his head in shame.

'_Why must this school be full of pansies?'_

Harry and Ron looked at him in a hurt fashion.

Peeves just looked at them and started to float away.

Harry and Ron sighed in relief that Peeves didn't cause too much trouble.

They sighed too soon.

Peeves swooped back and stole Harry's handbag.

Harry looked at Peeves in shock, then sadness and then finally, anger.

Ron saw all of this happen in about the space of 5 seconds and a terrible though occurred to him.

'_Oh my god. Harry's upset about his handbag. He really is a pansy.'_

Ron saw Harry start to say something and once again had to kamikaze dive on top of him to stop him from making too much noise.

Harry started screaming foul words into the ground.

But seeing as Ron's butt was on his head, it was muffled.

Ron sighed in relief, until Harry turned into Hercules and shoved him off.

Ron looked at Harry bug eyed.

'_Wtf?'_

Harry looked like he had been using one too many steroids.

Peeves looked like he had just seen a ghost.

_(No pun intended)_

Harry started towards Peeves cracking his knuckles.

Peeves screamed like a little girl and threw the handbag back at Harry.

"Your freaks! All of you!! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

With that said Peeves flew off to join Moaning Myrtle in the girls' toilets.

Ron looked at Harry.

"So I guess the rumours were true. There is a thing going on between Peeves and Myrtle."

Harry didn't pay much attention to that as he was too busy stroking his hand bag.

The he looked at Ron.

"And he called us pansy's."

Ron gave him a look that said.

'_And I wonder why that would be?'_

Harry just grinned sheepishly and went back to stroking his hand bag.

Twenty minutes later and five stumbles on Ron's account, they finally reached the secret passageway to Hogsmeade.

Harry opened the hatch, struggling to hold onto both his handbag and the door.

Ron went first and unceremoniously fell face first down the shoot.

Harry right behind him in the same position.

THUMP!

OUCH!

'WHAT THE-!"

"RON GET YOUR FOOT OUT OF THERE!"

"EWWW, HARRY I KNOW YOU HAVE URGES, BUT LATER!"

Right then at that moment they resembled a knot. Which limb was whose no one knew.

If anybody saw them like this, it would have confirmed suspicions that they were indeed gay.

Straightening up, they stumbled down the lonely, dark corridor.

They had forgotton their wands, as well, so it was pitch black. But not so much that Harry couldn't see Ron huge ass in front of him when they had to crawl.

"_God I hope Ron can control his gastric system while I am behind him."_

Reaching honeydukes cellar Harry and Ron got a wish.

They were alone.

In a candy store.

With no adults.

HALLELUJAH!

It was heaven!

Gorging themselves with every thing edible.

Diving for the chocolate frog section Harry got a mouth full of levitating lemon and Ron got a mouth full of cockroach clusters.

Harry floating on the ceiling, trying not to be sick, he was feeling dizzy from all the sugar.

Ron rolling on the floor trying to spit out the disgusting treats, while trying not to spit out his dinner as well.

Something amazing happened.

It was like a fountain.

At the same time they blew chunks.

Together.

It was a magnificent sight. Well, ok, it was feral. But still pretty cool.

The two questionable males, stumbled out of the store, a little worse for wear.

Harry looked to Ron and together they said.

"So worth it!"

As they were walking towards the Hogshead, Harry realised something.

They were alone.

In the middle of Hogsmeade.

With no one else to see them if they got hurt.

And Lord Voldie was still out there.

Apparently Ron was having the same sort of thoughts, but in a different direction as he was running around in circles whooping in a way that would make Dr Zoidberg proud.

On his third lap around me I stuck my arm out and coathangered him.

Ron looked up at me with sad puppy dog eyes.

I sighed and bent down to his level and told what I thought before.

Ron's immediate reaction was to jump up and run towards the Hogshead.

Screaming like a little girl I'd like to add.

I sighed and followed him.

We finally made it to the Hogshead.

…

To be greeted by a drunk Professor McGonagall.

I think Ron fainted from the shock.

A drunk Professor McGonagall.

Drunk!

Oh dear lord.

I looked past her to be greeted with the sight of the teachers having a CRAZY WILD PARTY!!!

I think I almost died.

Suddenly Professor Dumbledore came up to me with a fire whisky in his hands.

He winked at me and handed it to me.

"If I were you I'd have a lot of these at this party you're planning."

I grinned sheepishly and picked up Ron and sprinted back to the Castle.

Professor Dumbledore watched Harry run off and turned to Professor McGonagall.

"I think this party was a good idea don't you?"

Professor McGonagall just hiccoughed and passed out on the floor.

Professor Dumbledore laughed and started doing the Macarena with Professor Flitwick.

'_I can't wait for Harry's party!'_

* * *

**Well i hope you enjoyed it.**

**hehe**

**as you can see we bored very very easily.**

**or either we were on a sugar high.**

**hehe**

**anyways**

**please review**

**teesh really needs it**

**:P**


End file.
